Отмъщението

Никога не съм писал разказ. Ето пробвах се. Сигурно не става, знам ли. Поствам си го в блога, защото на драскачите мястото им е в собствените им блогове. Простете ми правописните грешки. Ето го и него:

Веднъж ме биха, нарочно се свлякох с идеята да спрат, но уви паднах в локва. Трябваше да стана, че беше мокро и те продължиха да ме бият. Все тая, беше забавно. Ама и локвата, не е като да се къпеш в морето. Не ме боля. След боя ми помогнаха да се изправя и си стиснахме ръцете. Щото вече ме беха били доста и ми дойде акъла в главата. Така де, са за кво да се сърдя, като съм си виновен. Изпратиха ме до спирката и си казахме, че трябва някой ден да пийнем по бира.

Днеска ме биха други, лежах в локва ама не можех да стана. И не беше забавно. Познавах ги. Аверчета. Бяха бавни премерени удари от в слабите ми места. Места, които им бях казал само няколко дни преди това. “Боли ме там, викам. Много ме боли като някой ме пипне там, дано никой не се сети, че само ми е едно, много гадно такова”.

И те ме спукаха от бой. Ама по-лошо, че като ме оставиха почна да боли повече. И никой не мина да ми подаде ръка. Знаеха, че съм в локвата, ама всички се бяха върнали вътре в бара, все едно ме нямаше. То като се замисля, верно ме е немало за тях. То аз, ей така спрях да си същестувам. Останах си сам за себе си, ама то като си сам за себе си все едно те няма. Ебаси, даже се разплаках. Беше ми тъжно. В безпомощно състояние. Като ме биха врагове си станахме приятели, като ме биха приятели си станахме врагове.

И си лежа и си мисля, как трябва да се доизвлача някак си надолу по улицата. Около мен само улични кучета. Като си легнал кучетата не те лаят. Смятат те за свой, безопасен. Един такъв измизерял акто тях. Гладен, зъзнещ и тресящ се. Душат ме, гледат ме, едно ме близва по носа. Свой ме чувстват, мръсен, гаден, пребит и миризлив. Усещам топлия му език на носа си, ама ми става хубаво. Поне едно улично куче да ме намери за свой в тази вечер. После кучето сяда до мен и се оглежда. Сега все едно ме пази гадинката. Винаги съм обичал кучета. Става ми мило и за момент ми олеква.

Не знам откъде да намеря сили. Не ми е толкова зле, защото съм пребит, а ми е толкова зле защото съм толкова сам. Болките нищо не са, не ги усещам, от някъде кървя, но стичащата се по тялото ми кръв само ме топли. Викам си, все ще взема да долазя до някоя дупка наблизо, поне да не ме гледат хората. Я малки деца ще минат, я някои щастливи хора, за какво да гледат грозни гледки.

Свивам се зад една ограда и си викам, че малко ми остана. Не да живея, а да се домъкна до нас. То и за живота не го знам колко е останал, ама него ще го мъча, ще го дърпам, ще си го живея. Само да стигна до нас.

Ония гадове и без това вече са ме отписали. То може ли да им се сърдя. Просто не ме харесваха вече и беше най-лесно да се отърват от мен. Не мога да ги виня. Някой трябваше да извади ножа и да свърши работата, но сигурно некак си тоя някой е ръгнал встрани от местото. Не знам щото не е искал ли, щото в последния момент там нещо или просто им е било се тая дали ще умирам или ще се мъча.

Вали сняг мамка му. И щипе студа, и искам да съм на топло някъде, ама няма. Сега всичко скърца направо, та и аз отвътре скърцам. Студ и скреж. Стари пирони и стари дъски. Свивам очи и в скърцанията от миналото виждам всичко. Тръгва като на филм. Навсякъде слънце. Едно топло и леко, следобедно. Червена следобедна светлина. И усмивки на момичета. Слънцето зад тях, контражур, от време на време им виждам закачливите погледи и разлюлени коси. Държат се за ръце и ми махат и на мене. И после си тръгват нагоре по плажа и аз ги гледам. Не искам да тръгвам с тях. Искам само да ги гледам. Прекрасни са. Толкова не искам да има нищо грозно до тях, че не мога да ги последвам. И пак става студено.

Най-интересното е, че докато се сипе снега и ми пада на лицето, щото скрит зад стената още лежа по гръб, си усещам железото. Втъкнал съм го отзад, дърта тежка бангия, Берета, четиресе и пети от миналия век, на сто години дет се вика, ама ако се върна мога да им пръсна главите докато се смеят надвесени на бирите си.

Сега ще питате защо чак сега? Ми защото не очаквах. Ама толкова не очаквах, че ако пак тръгнеха да ме вадат от бара и да ме наритат отвън, пак немаше да ги гръмна, щото още не мога да повярвам, копеле.

Беше вечер като вечер. Влизам сред свои, всеки мълчи. Викам няма парти нещо, а те извръщат глави. Само барманчето с един жалостив поглед, всичко усетих. Знаеш ли, още не знам причината за всичко, но само по неговия поглед можех да разбера, че съм оттекъл. После стана като на кино, бързо и на улицата. Биха ме бързо и ме ръгаха, пред бара дето си ходя всяка вечер. Накрая, като не можех да движа много-много само ме замъкнаха настрани до локвата. На тъмно. И ме отебаха като пияница. Вечер там хвърляхме пиянките.

Викам си, ей сега ще стана и ще събера сили и ще влеза. И като почна наред. Даже нема да ги гърмим в главите. Само в крака, стави и кореми. Да мрат бавно, докато ги кълцам с натрошени бутилки. Напъвам се, напъвам се и толкова се ядосвам, че ми става смешно. Че чак и се засмивам, ама ме заболяват ребрата, та трябва да спра. Значи, то че няма да се отмъщава, няма. Ама какво да правя.

Мисля си, снегът ме вали. Бездна от самота, та чак ми гълта мислите и все едно медитирам. Небето е червено, студено, но вече ми е меко едно. Обичам в София да вали сняг вечер. Скрива всичките боклуци. Ако продължава да вали така и мене до сутринта ще ме скрие. Та кому съм нужен аз? Нищо не направих за никого. Не, че съм чакал некой да ме обича.То любов не се чака, любов се дава. Аз колко да съм дал, една шепичка. И тя си тръгна заедно с тях и сигурно вече не живея в никакви спомени на никакви хора. Абе, отписан.

Леко почвам да стържа по стената до мен и се надигам. Куцук-куцук все ще се докарам до нас. Гледам към входа на бара и сякаш отгоре ми идва перфектното отмъщение. Просто не знам как не ми е минало през ума толкова време. Пак ми става смешно. То е лесно. То е повече от лесно.

Сякаш некаква черупка се пука около мен и пада, като на некъв закостенял орех и отвътре излизам чисто нов и мек и ми е едно ебати лекото. И май некъв зъб се кани да падне, ама това нема да ми развали хубавата усмивка. Ако имах цигарка, щях да пална една. Ама и ръцете са ми целите в кръв и кал и не искам да си бъркам по джобовете. Стил, сещаш се, нали?

Време е за отмъщението ми. Вместо към бара тръгвам в обратната посока, като пускам железото в първата кофа. Викам си, нема смисъл. Просто тая съдба говори на некъв извартен език и има странен начин да ти каже, че е време за новия ти живот. Защото няколко пъти съм бил на ръба му и все го гледам отгоре и все ме е страх да скоча, а ето че съдбата ми ги прати тия гадове и те направо си ме хвърлиха в дупката. И вече съм долу, и макар и пребит за първи път усещам, че съм свободен. И вместо да се върна назад, аз вече мога да виждам напред и им обръщам гръб. Защото няма по-голямо отмъщение от това да не отмъщаваш въобще. Просто да смениш посоката, защото никой не го очаква от теб. Всеки стиснал зъби примерно, ако те види пак да се връщаш се готви, къде ще го удариш, ама ти просто вече не минаваш по тая улица и ти е все тая. Просто не искаш да удряш никого, просто отебаваш и се разтоварваш от това.

И тръгвам нагоре куцайки не, ами направо влачейки се, ама ми е едно хубаво такова леко. И вече ми стана съвсем смешно.

Почна да трупа сериозно, влача се, кървя, олюлявам се. Замаяно ми е и ми е добре, усещам как ставите ми скърцат като дъските и пироните в мен, но това вече не е скърцането на миналото. Някак си прилича, но не е същото. Сега минало и бъдеще си скърцат заедно от студ ама аз живея сега или поне се опитвам. И това сега ми е ебати якото. Ама точно така не съм се чувствал по-жив откакто Елена ме целуна в 6-ти клас. Сърцето ми пее пролетни песни, а зимата ме сгъва на две. Абе, мани я тая зима. Тя е вънка, не е вътре.

Сега ми става леко. Хубаво. Започвам пак да я виждам. Следобедната червена светлина на лятото. Минути до залеза. Морето. Едно топло, топло и пак започва да грее и аз пак ги виждам с разветите им коси. Толкова грее, че вече усещам, че грее от мен. От гърдите ми. Те, хванати за ръце, момичетата, още не са се скрили на плажа. В горния край са преди горичката, но ги виждам. Ходят, смеят се. Провиквам се и те спират, гледат ме усмихнати. Идваш ли, питат. Идвам. Чакайте ме. И тръгвам да тичам. А около мене само светлина.

На сутринта снегът вече е покрил всички боклуци на София.

266 comments

  1. roderik · March 27, 2012

    уау… браво… талант да искаш

    не спирай да пишеш… и успех

  2. Божо · March 27, 2012

    Страхотен разказ!

  3. ZORNITSA · March 27, 2012

    Napravo e strahoten!Bravo!

  4. Gergana · March 27, 2012

    Хареса ми. “Градивният” бой не е лошо решение за запълване на времето. Но е важно от кого изяждаш шамарите и по какъв повод, а за съжаление… боклуците не се покриват и отмиват от чистия сняг, поройния дъжд и бурния вятър. Историята е хубава. Тя е част от нас. На къде сме тръгнали без нея… тя подрънква след нас като празни кутии, вързани с канап, а ако са пълни – тежат и ни притесняват… :).

  5. Готино е, има идея и емоция, още повече. Абе, писателче си си ти, кво се прайш на скромен… Хах, то не че и аз не процедирам така, ама, то си е нормално за гения да забива в самоирония и самоподценяване. А и като е направено “на ташак” – мм, муцка, точно в целта:)…

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