ДОГ ШИТ – Една мръсна кучешка история

Как едно куче може да прецака любовна връзка. Има много варианти, гадежто ти си има куче, обаче кучето я ревнува от теб и е пълно със скрита омраза в моментите, когато сте заедно с нея, а ако останете сами не се свени да те захапе за крачола и да ти ръмжи. Не те слуша и се държи като пълен калпазанин.

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Имах едно гадже, чието куче ме търпеше и дори демонстрираше известна привързаност в момените, когато тя бе около нас. Но не дай си боже тя да ми го остави и да отиде някъде. Тогава кучето побесняваше, тръгвапе да гони други кучета и котки из квартала, вършееше и вършеше своите дребни кучешки злини с хитър злосторнически поглед в очите.

Кучето на последното ми гадже пък ме даряваше с цялата си ненавист. Въпреки това никога не отказваше подаден залък под масата. Истинска лицемерна гадина.

Не ме разбирайте погрешно. Обичам кучетата, но понякога ти се качват на главата и истински пречат на любовта.

Историята, която искам да ви разкажа може би дори не е истинска, въпреки че човекът, който ми я разказа да се кълне в нейната достоверност. Истинска или не, на мен ми харесва. Даже на повечето от вас сигурно съм я разказвал.

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Става дума за един пич, приятел на брата на мой съученик.

Въпросният пич се запознал с много яка мацка. Разменяли си погледи, обаждания и закачки и един ден мацката подала. Решили да излязат заедно. Пичът трябвало да я вземе от тях и да я заведе на кино примерно.

Наточил с Гошо (да го наречем така), напарфюмирал се, зализал се и с букет цветя закрачил към апартамента на мацката да я вземе. Разбира се така се бил притеснил, че киселини бушували в стомаха му. Толкова силно, че както се казва Гошо се разстроил. Тъй като решил, че е жертва на случаен спазъм, пичът решил, че ще му мине.

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От притичване Гошо подранил доста за срещата, а и понеже всички мацки се бавят, когато и звъннал на вратата тя точно си взимала душ. Отворила по хавлия, поканила Гошето вътре и му казала, че и трябват само 5 мин.

Добре, но стомаха на Гошо вече бил на предела на пръсване и докато мацката се наточвала в банята, той сдържал с неистови усилия спазмите бушуващи в долната част на червата му. Вече му било ясно, че трябва да се изходи срам не срам. Добре де, ама мацката е в банята, а в блоковете няма повече отходни дупки и докато можеш да се изпикаеш в кухненската мивка, то дефекацията е строго противопоказна.

Решава да бяга и да “ака” ако ще в градинката и не му пука къде, когато установява, че ключалката е мега сложна, сумрак е, а треперещите му ръце не могат да си отворят. Има ключалка, но не и ключ. Да не би тази патица да се е затворила с ключовете в банята? Каквото и да е , е голям проблем.

Върти се Гошето, ще мре. Лази в коридора превит на три и вече почти вижда тунела с бялата светлина, когато гледа в ъгъла на коридора едно куче спи. Толкова му се дохожда на Гошето, че би гръмнал със задника си, та му блесва гениалната идея на умиращ от черва човек. Да пусне първия залп и да обвини спящото куче. То човешкото и кучешкото лайно един вид си приличат понякога, особено по време на разстройство.

Тъй като вече тече изотзад, Гошето няма избор, прикляка до спящото куче и отпуска мускулчета.

30 секунди по-късно Гошето седи в хола и чака дамата да се появи, за да излязат. Даже вече е решил да изчисти, като кавалер. Само чака да и каже, че в коридора има лайно.

Излиза тя, очевидно се усеща, че има нещо, защото намирисва, но пък в коридора мрак. Докато смята какво се случва Гошето скача и виква:

“Абе кучето ти докато беше в банята се завъртя, завъртя, пък се изсра в коридора пред вратата”.

Мацката го гледа недоумяващо.

“Кое куче, бе?”

“Е, тва дето лежи в коридора”.

“А, как ще се изсере бе!” – гледа недоумяващо момичето. “То това куче е плюшено!”

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81 comments

  1. UZUMAKI · October 15, 2009

    Nice, напомня ми на един виц. Интересно ми е друго обаче – щом толкова мацки с кучета си онождал, случавало ли ти се е някое четириного да те налази, докато шпориш стопанката му?

  2. Allisa · October 15, 2009

    Вярно, като ти пречат на любовта, защо все кучкарки си харесваш? Пробвай с някоя, дето има хамстер или друга мишка някаква. Е, миризмата е по-друга…
    А иначе – познавам човек, на който по време на …сещате се, кучето се приближило отзад и му облизало топките, така да се каже. Човекът е стар кучкар и мацките му са все с кучета, но казва, че чу е дошло в повече и приключил бързо с маратона за вечерта.

  3. Kundalini Peashooter · October 15, 2009

    Мили Дядо Коледа… така, де, Киро! Историята – история, но аз вих, като видях таговете отдолу… баси, само с тях мога да разкажа целия си живот…
    Tagged as: Гадже, Кучета, Лайна, Любов
    лъъъвлииииии…

  4. FeliX Kotkov · October 15, 2009

    Култова история, спор няма. вчера и аз получих спазми от смях…

  5. kim · October 15, 2009

    велико!

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